Friday 4 May 2012

Life-changing power - it's free!



After the elation and joy I had in finally being declared solvent on 02 March this year. I would like to say how sorry I am for attacking others for upsetting me over the years. I also acknowledge that I too have hurt good people in my past.

I’d like to say how sorry I am for losing my cool and not seeing the pain I’ve caused to others, especially when I’ve been caught up in my own anger, which is when I didn’t notice the hurt others were experiencing because of me.

I won’t try and be clever and admit partial responsibility or make stupid excuses by saying others must take some of the blame for my actions.

I’m fully responsible for my actions and that is that.

I’ve been in situations when I was just about to eat a lovely cooked meal when, out of nowhere, a person who’s wronged me pops into my mind.

Just like that, the dinner is ruined before I’ve even started to eat.
That’s how I felt about a certain bank we all see on the high street, who falsely stated I had thousands of pounds stashed away with them in order to get the Debit Relief order (DRO) I was anointed with overturned.

Even after the date of the original DRO had surpassed, which meant they couldn’t bother me on payments included in the DRO (theirs was one of them) this high street bank was still hounding me for money I clearly didn’t have.

So far as this bank was concerned, they ignored the Payment Protection Insurance - PPI - attached to my loan, (for which I had paid extra money for) which was meant to cover me if an illness like Multiple Sclerosis should happen to me, which I now have, for reasons I cannot explain.

I’m big enough to come out and admit when I’ve made a mistake and know that holding onto anger is counter- productive for anyone who wants to live a happy life.

I enjoyed living in a luxury apartment when I called myself (proudly) Miss Independent, with a nice red car to boot.

Now I live with my parents and I have a Freedom Pass to get from A to Z.

When I told my previous landlord about my health, I asked if adaptations could be made to the unit I lived in, which they wouldn’t be paying for.

Within days of making this request, I was given notice to leave the premises immediately.

It felt like a swift kick had been made to my stomach but I’ve since realised this has happened to many who become disabled and once lived in private accommodation.

A few months ago, I wanted to join a private health club which had a heated swimming pool but got the excuses of having to get my doctor to vouch for me being able to swim, which she can’t as she has never been able to see me in water.

Again I had so much anger in me over receiving such treatment, knowing that if I was an able bodied person, this wouldn’t be an issue.

Chances are if, like me, such negative thoughts have crept into your mind, it’s happened to you more than once; when you’re going to bed, having a shower, etc. When this occurs, let’s face it, smiling or admitting to your mistakes is the least thing you want to do.

I’ve decided, there is only two solutions to such a dilemma; forgiveness and being woman enough to admit to my mistakes as without these two qualities, I can assure you, life will be full of bitterness, hatred and misery and that’s coming from experience!

That’s why I’m also saying sorry for all the hurt and pain I’ve caused over the years and accept there was no justification for my actions, no matter what.

The other painful reality, as mentioned earlier, that was causing the most hurt, was the misery I was putting myself through by rehashing such issues I couldn’t get over.

I’d let certain people torture me again and again and again over things I simply couldn’t change.

For years I couldn’t feel any pleasure or peace and believed the only way out of this misery is to make the people who have wronged me feel similar pain and embarrassment.

That’s the importance of forgiveness, as it was only when I did this that all the bitterness and rage flew out of me. I also saw the reasons why those people had done what they did to me and still feel compassion for them.

I haven’t contacted everyone I’ve hurt or who has hurt me – that’s my choice.

If I do my part, that’s okay, the rest is up to others to decide whether to forgive me or not.

I can hear some of you say, “You have no idea what he or she did to me” but the pain you’re carrying is the reason you’ve got to forgive and acknowledge your own mistakes in life.

You’re not saying what’s happened is right but you’re letting go of the hurt, pain and misery.

You’re also telling yourself it’s time to move on.

Sometimes, you need that second, third or fourth chance to move on and I truly hope I’ve been able to do this, for my own piece of mind.

Light and Peace

Andria

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